Relationships: What If?
So, I was sifting through YouTube when I fell upon this video. I’d say it’s pretty well done, considering I would say that many of us have experienced something similar to this in our lives. At first, I thought, wow, what a great depiction of relationships. Then, I realized that there is much more we could do to approach relationships in a more mature, responsible and stress-free way.
See, Islam’s way to approach a relationship is different, but unfortunately, today, people feel that this is a better approach. It’s a touching story, but in truth, Allah knows what is best, and His advice through the Quran and through the teachings of the Prophet (pbuh) is ultimately still more beneficial. If we all learned to just trust in Allah more, we’d find love much easier to find. Allah knows best, and it’s important we remember that we just need to bring our hearts closer to Him, and He will bring us the love we deserve, Insha Allah
We worry so often about what will happen if we get married to someone that’s not right for us. But, I guarantee that if we do things as Muslims, in the way that Islam has taught us to do things, we won’t lose. I know, I know, the divorce rate amongst Muslims is drastically increasing, but at the same time, have we ever considered that the reason is because we go about getting married in ways that displease Allah? He is the One that can either bless or curse our marriages, so why do we not focus on ensuring that we live out our lives, have our weddings, and build our marriages in ways that He has described as being the righteous and most beneficial way? How many times has Allah promised us that He will protect us if we solely rely on Him? That promise is stronger than any promise a person can give you. So, trust it!
What is there to fear? One of two things will happen if you consider someone: Allah will bring you closer to that person and make marriage come easy, or He will remove that person from your heart and replace them with someone that’s better for you. Either way, it’s a win-win Insha Allah. Focus on building yourself, and if someone is suggested to you, or you’re interested in someone, pray Isthikhaarah and make dua. Then, if you feel inclined towards that person, talk to them bluntly about things. Relationships in Islam are clear-cut. Either you’re into the person or you’re not. It doesn’t take months or years to know if a person is good for you to consider for marriage or not. It takes a moment to say, this person is someone I could consider, or that this person isn’t. Your Isthikhaarah will take effect insha Allah, and things will become clear to you. Do things with Allah in mind, and move forward from there.
Muslims aren’t wusses because we know that we have nothing to worry about except for seeking Allah’s pleasure. We know that Allah has our backs, so we’re supposed to be stress-free. Ever thought that if that’s how we Muslims should be, then all these doubts and concerns that enter our minds when we fear approaching marriage even when we find someone we think would be great for us, might just be the whispers of Shaitaan? Makes ya think, doesn’t it?
Regardless, be straightforward, tell a person how you feel, ask Allah to guide you, and then take steps forward. If the person’s right for you, Allah will make it clear to you if you are reliant on Him. If the person isn’t good for you, He will make it clear to you to steer clear of that person, once again IF you are reliant on Him.
Don’t spend too much time just hanging around. You’re just asking for fitna (temptation/tribulation). The Prophet (pbuh) even said that, “The best thing for two people who love one another is marriage.” (that was me paraphrasing, by the way) Now, I’m not saying that you’ll fall in love right away. Every relationship has its own time for that if it’s meant to be. What I AM saying though, is that if you think someone is good for you, and you’ve done your Isthikhaarah, take steps forward towards making it happen.
Sure, you may be engaged (in the halal way, of course!) for a while, so that you can prep yourself financially or so you can finish school, etc. but at least you will have protected yourself from the ridiculous amount of fitna there is in the world, you will have a confidant and someone you can rely on to be there for you Insha Allah. You will feel more secure too.
Either way, this is just me ranting now, but I truly believe that we should all be more active in approaching marriage in a more Islamically sound manner. Sure, times have changed and society approaches things differently now, but correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Allah say that He has perfected this religion for all of mankind (ie. the people at the time of the Prophet (pbuh), people now, and all those to come in the future until the Day of Judgment)? So, then, who are we to say that we know better than Allah? Right?
This is all just my thoughts. I’d love to hear what you think. And, I pray that Allah gives us all the strength, courage, patience, guidance, and all else we need in order for us to find ease in every step of marriage, and that you all are blessed with the best of spouses. Ameen.